Relationship Advice


Top 10 Biracial Dating Rules

#1 One Human Race

There is one human race and a mass of ethnic groups. The beauty of dating another ethnicity is the growth and education of learning about who they are. Make every day a treasure hunt. Embrace the differences, experience new traditions, and hold one another in the face of adversity.

#2 Address the Stereotypes

In order to have a successful relationship you have to address the stereotypes and insecurities you experienced in your life. It is not wise to brush off hidden biases as insignificant because the other person may have deep emotional wounds from their past. You have to love and enjoy your own culture to gain a full appreciation for another person’s culture.

#3 No Playful Mocking of Traditions

Make the decision not to mock, ridicule, or speak in a negative fashion concerning your significant other’s culture.  Follow the concept “I’ll try anything once, provide it’s not illegal”.  You may not fully understand what you are doing nor like the tradition, but try anyway.  The fact that you are willing to participate indicates your desire to make the relationship work.

#4 People Are Not Your Problem

Never allow other people’s perception regarding your relationship determine how you relate to one another.  Those around you may not understand the attraction that brought you together.  The fundamental factors that will sustain you both is honesty, respect for yourselves, your cultures, and your boundaries.

# 5 Grow Together

In order to have a successful relationship you have to grow together. Others may never understand why you dated someone of a different ethnicity. Just remember, dating someone of a different race is no indication that you dislike or lack  appreciation for your own culture.

#6 The Family Dynamic

When dealing with your relatives you have to enter the relationship knowing there may be opposition. Your family will test your relationship to see if the two if you are capable of handling how outsiders may view your relationship. Don’t allow negative people to draw you into a debate regarding your culture versus your partner’s culture. If it’s simply a matter of having dinner with his/her family; just be prepared to withstand any verbal blows. I believe it’s best to leave the residence early rather than stay and add fuel to the fire. I understand some cultures this may be seen as disrespectful. However, you have to decide as a couple what is the best action for the two of you moving forward.

#7 The Race Card

You have to address race issues when they are brought to the forefront. However, do not spend every day or moment of your relationship discussing this issue. Just enjoy being together as life is too short. You will do more damage to your relationship if you are constantly comparing your ethnic differences.

# 8 Childrearing

As the two of you decide to take your relationship to the next level…possibly marriage; the raising of children must be discussed. This issue should be brought up even with couples of the same ethnicity. Childrearing can destroy a relationship if both parties are not in agreement. One key factor that can stabilize a family is exposing children to both ethnic cultures. Allow them to have the best of both worlds thus instilling a “healthy” since of pride. Make sure they see the beauty in being biracial.

#9 Dealt With Conflict Properly

I believe conflict if not dealt with properly can cause deep seated resentment.  All family traditions need to be considered before deciding to make changes.  If the two of your decide to begin your own traditions; it should not be done out of spite.  Doing so in this manner will create a wound within your partner and his or her relatives.  Often times, we may oblige our loved ones request, but become bitter in the process.  If you cannot handle another family dinner or vacation with in-laws; the key is to be honest.  The two of you can alternate holidays, vacations (one with in-laws and or kids), and another stress free vacation just the two of you.  All marriages need to be nurtured and cared for and biracial marriages are no different in that aspect.  Starting a new family tradition can be away to solidify your union.  If done respectfully, it could be the catalyst that births another level of unity not yet experienced by the family.

#10Diversity is not an Enemy

The first year is the most trying year of your relationship.  If the two of you can survive the first year with all the scrutiny it entails; then you are capable of creating a foundation that can sustain you for years to come.  Remember to respect one another’s traditions, not take each other so seriously, and know that every battle is not always about ethnicity.  There are certain arguments, on the surface, that appear to be about race. However, when you look beyond the surface, you realize the true culprit is fear of the unknown.

I encourage you not to be afraid of being vulnerable and opening yourself to be loved in an unexpected way.  Diversity is not an enemy causing family strive.  Rather, diversity should be perceived as another spice added to the family melting pot making dinner more satisfying…bon appetit.  Enjoy loving one another as love comes in all shades of color.