Were Headed in Different Directions in this Relationship


I have been dating this guy for four years now.  We are discussing marriage and I have one mega concern.  I know I want to live in Germany. My love for German culture developed at age17.  I wrote in my senior year book that I would major in German, travel there, and experience the culture first hand.  I am pleased as I accomplished these goals by age 24.  However, my ultimate desire is to live in Southern Germany. I am a true country girl, although I would not understand the Southern German dialect; I desire to reside in the southern region.

My fiancé ( yes, we are engaged) desires to reside in France, Sweden, or Kenya, but not Germany.  He does not feel we should end our relationship but rather we can come to an agreement. In 2006, I was to return to Germany, but was unable financially.  I had family members speaking against me negatively and I felt like a joke. I always had to justify to everyone in my small town why I chose to study German instead of Spanish.  As stated prior, my plans were postponed.  The whole experience was humiliating to the point that I contemplated committing suicide.  You must understand a young black girl from the projects is not supposed to study German nor travel outside the United States. Small minded individuals find this notion ridiculous.

I dreaded facing my friends and family. This was one of the lowest moments in my life.  Now at age 34, I’m looking back and I understand my heart still longs for Germany.  I told my family I can’t even marry him without going there one more time by myself.  I know what I want and I don’t see us working this out.  I even wrote a song “Germany is My  Home.”  My fiancé dismissed the song, seriously!  I am astonished he actually thinks we can make this work.  He even suggested we travel to Germany together;

if he doesn’t like it, we will divorce and go separate ways.  My logic- why go through an expensive divorce when we both know what we desire.  It doesn’t make any logical since to go ahead with wedding plans at all.  He feels the exact opposite.   I need everyone to pray for us in this situation.  I do love him, I think we would be happy together, we have been together four years, but if we have to go separate ways, then pray for a friendly break up.

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